Only the now exists and the now is love

In terms of reality or what is “real” the past is not. It quite literally does not exist. If it does, where is it? You may find some artifact, some object—oh this was made in the past! Yet that artifact is just a fragment, a token, a reminder. It is not the past. Ah, my lived experience cannot be denied, so the past must be real! Sure, your lived experience is yours. Your memory is yours. Neither your lived experience nor your memories are the past. They are real only real in the sense that they inform and influence your present perception, which informs your present reality. But, they don't have to.

What does this mean? Well the past is at best your memory. Maybe a few other people’s memories mixed in. A few written accounts which are still just memories—little footsteps left by reality. Reading something—anything—the message becomes transformed by your present perception. Reread a book you read as a kid and it will be a different experience, a different message and interpretation comes through as your current reality is informed by your perception. I’d venture your perception today is different than when you were a kid or a teenager, heck maybe different from just a year ago.

We know our recollection and memories are not perfect. So even our fragments may point us to a past that isn’t quite accurate—not that we can ever confirm that since the past doesn’t exist! I used to think I was shy. I believed this because of memories of me being shy or embarrassed. These memories were emotionally charged with fear. Fear triggers our survival instincts. So my body was telling me “hey you’re about to speak in front of a group and this other time you did this you flubbed and got really embarrassed so I’m bringing you this memory to remind of you possible danger, since fear could indicate danger.”

It’s really a lovely gesture from my body. And, since my childhood was without much actual danger, my body didn’t have a great threshold for when my fear was actually in response to danger. Again, these are just fragments from the past. If I actually sit down to recollect my past I can find memories of not being shy, they just aren’t charged with fear. I can accept, allow and then release the fear from those past memories—they don't need to inform my present. This is the power and freedom that comes from realizing the past isn't real. You still have your lived experience, which may have strong emotional and fear based imprints, potentially stored in your body, which require releasing. Through therapy, or any other modality that works for you, you can release these fears from the past and be more free and open to the ever expanding present.

If the past doesn't exist, then the future definitely doesn't. This is easier for most of us to conceptualize since... well... the future hasn't even happened. Yet, many—most? all?—of us live in response to a future that has not happened. This is where so much worry comes from. What if this happens? What if that doesn't happen? What if. Now, we're tapping into a different fear. Not quite the same fear that comes from our survival instinct related to past experience, but the ultimate fear—the fear of death.

The only guarantee to be found in the future is our own death. It's true. Nothing else can be guaranteed with as much certainty—it's the only certainty. This doesn't have to be morbid and depressing. It's actually quite liberating if you see past the fear. Many ancient wisdom traditions teach this positive re-framing of death: Death as an Advisor, Memento mori, Mutu qabla an tamutu and so on. Each serves as way to transform a fear of the inevitable into a positive psychological development and perception.

In 1948, in the wake of the Atomic Bombs being dropped on Japan, C.S. Lewis wrote On Living In An Atomic Age:

"In one way we think a great deal too much of the atomic bomb. ‘How are we to live in an atomic age?’ I am tempted to reply: ‘Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat at night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.

In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. Believe me, dear sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented… It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds."

I say all of this not to cause shame, but to show a path to more freedom. There is no shame in fear. If we had absolutely no fear we would likely all be psychopaths. It's not about being fearless. It's about awareness and discernment—is this fear real, necessary and actually keeping me safe? Or, can I accept and release this fear, choosing to act without it's influence? I'd wager C.S. Lewis experienced fear around the Atomic Age and it's bombs. That fear was likely the inspiration for writing the essay.

“Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” —Mark Twain

I share this because it has been very freeing for me. I'm able to recognize anxiety and worry as fears stemming from the past or future—which literally don't exist. Personally, I've experienced more fear of the future. Ya know: wars, economic collapse, political differences—that sort of thing. Which are all just uncertainty. And uncertainty is a fear, or lack of acceptance, of death. Only by being present can I embody love rather than fear. Not romantic love, but unconditional love, love that does not require certainty, love as the polar opposite of fear. Love that accepts fear, uncertainty, the unknown and everything in between.

"If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity." —Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

There is such freedom and relief when I recognize the futility of living in the past or future. There is only now. And it is a gift. This realization, this shift from fear of uncertainty to acceptance and unconditional love, is not a one time event. It's not a switch. Just because I've had this realization in the past, doesn't mean I'm having that realization now, in the present. Because the past doesn't exist! That's why everything is a practice. Every single moment is an opportunity to exercise free will: do I choose fear of uncertainty or acceptance and unconditional love?